I'm pretty sure that inpatient internal medicine is going to get the best of me. I am 2 (two) weeks in out of 7 (seven!!!) and I'm already ready to throw in the towel. I'm not entirely sure how/why anyone actually goes into internal medicine, and ends up alive with cognitive and emotional function intact at the end. As my resident put it (he's only a PGY-2), "When I was in medical school I wanted to save the world. Now I just want to make it through each day alive." This is seriously the most draining rotation I've done this year. Thoughts about that? Other opinions on the most exhausting one? I'm not even sure the hours in surgery were worse, given that you had post-call days off q4. As an example of my morning: We worked up a new patient (obviously I'm not revealing/changing the details...I know you're reading this, HIPAA) for new-onset weakness, and she ended up having f***ing mets all over her brain from an as-yet-unknown-but-probably-lung cancer. That was real fun. And my patient from last week with ten zillion medical problems that we managed to stabilize was just discharged back to her nursing home. She's 45 years old. How can people do this day after day?? Maybe one day it'll make me so numb that it won't depress me anymore. But then that in itself might depress me. Oy. I leave you with the eternal wisdom of Scrubs:
Dr. Cox: You see Dr. Wen in there? He's explaining to that family that something went wrong, and that patient died. He's gonna tell them what happened, he's gonna say he's sorry - and then he's going back to work. Do you think anybody else in that room's going back to work today? That is why we distance ourselves; that's why we make jokes. We don't do it because it's fun. We do it so we can get by. And... sometimes because it's fun. But mostly it's the getting by thing.
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Oh Liz,
I can feel your pain as I went through the same emotions and feelings on my inpatient. People do become cynical and numb and immune to the outside world of illness and misery. I don't want that happen to us (I don't think it will). We do need to learn copying mechanisms such as laughter (the best one I have found so far) to survive medical school so we can do what we want to and believe what's the right thing to do.
I wish I had answers to all the craziness that's happening around us...I survived by living one day at a time, laughing (mostly at myself), and eventually getting sick :) Drinking is an option but you can't do it while at work...
Please hang in there and think 'Scrubs', Galina, wine, goat cheese, molten cakes, risotto.
why not become a banker? Do bankers save people? Are they involved in the deepest kinds of humanity? Do they really and truly care about lives? You tell me.
D
Hey Liz,
It's Anum! This entry was very strong. It is true how doctors have to spend so much time and energy and they barely have time to rest. Also, you are very smart, so you will definitely survive med school and become an excellent doctor. And i do believe you will be able to help more people as a doctor than as a banker.
I wish you the best of luck.
;)
internal medicine:
piece of venison,
clerks on the run,
rounds have begun.
Vitals and labs,
resident crabs,
nurses so sweet
but watch when you speak!
Smile on your face,
running in place,
wards are so great,
cause they keep you up late.
It can be like this,
like pure emesis,
but when it's all done,
it's only for some,
and those some are the ones
that can undo the done dones
so we help the bereft
(and there's just one month left).
ahhh best poem ever. thanks!!
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